Dear Mom

One of the nicest, most sincere, and thoughtful compliments anyone can give me is telling me that I remind them of you. 

Truth be told, I will never be half the woman that you once were, but damnit I’m trying. 

Sometimes, when the kids are sitting quietly together and getting along perfectly, it is in those moments that my heart is so full that I could cry. I wish and hope so badly that they see and understand how fiercely powerful my love is for them. They’ll probably never know until they chose to have kids of their own but I will never stop trying to show them. And it is in those moments, that I understand you best.

So I just wanted to say thank you, I’m sorry, I miss you and I love you all at the same time. 

Thank you for your sacrifices, endless love, and never giving up on me.Thank you for teaching me what any school could not. Life skills, determination, work ethic, and loving wholeheartedly. When people admire my strength and my passion, I’ll smile and say thank you and let them know I learned from the best, my mom.  Thank you for being the ultimate standard on how a mother should be. 

I’m sorry. I’ll admit, I was a handful. Our relationship wasn’t always rainbows and sunshine. Im sorry for the heart ache I’ve ever caused. I took your love for granted and even questioned if my mommy even loved me.Sometimes I think about my foolishness and I get teary eyed. I know you did. A mother’s love,  your love knows no bounds. 

I miss you. I miss watching you do your hair and makeup in the morning. I miss listening to reggae and having our morning coffee and we would just talk. I even miss your little eye roll when I would light up a cigarette. (Don’t worry, I quit since then). I miss your cooking. I miss stealing clothes from your closest. I miss your laugh. I miss when you would hug Alyssa you would sniff her neck and inhale all of her love for you.i wish so badly that you and dad are still here. Sometimes I catch myself going through my contacts looking for your name so I can text you what amazing thing the kids did or just because I’m bored. There is this void in my heart I’m still trying to accept, even after all this time. I miss everything, I miss you.

I love you. Today, tomorrow. To the moon and back, forever so much,I promise. 

                            Happy birthday mom. 

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7 thoughts on “Dear Mom

  1. ayrgalaxy says:

    This is such a great post! Reading this I couldn’t help but to relate to some things you said. A mother’s love is such a wonderful thing and I can only hope I’m a great mom to my little one as well. ❤ Happy birthday to your mom, doll!. Keep your head up! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. xoJenny says:

    This was such a sweet, well written dedication to your mama bear! Happy Birthday to her!!! I think my heart just melted. Nothing is more touching, warming, and comforting than a mother-child relationship. I can just feel that you’re the best mommy and (and cook- girl I see those food snapchats!) ❤
    It's so true though kids and as a kid (myself included) never really realized how important my mom was to me until I was older- and sometimes I just shutter when I think about the times that I had my teenage/young adult moments but definitely over the years I've grown to appreciate and show my unconditional love to her as well. Buttt now she knows how much I adore her so thats what matters!

    xo, JJ

    Like

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